Today I Don’t Believe in God

I just got back from a trip to Kansas City with Eli and Brenna. We were having breakfast at the hotel when we saw the news about the mass shooting that happened at an LGBT club in Orlando. Estimated 50 dead. 50 dead because, apparently, some guy didn’t agree with the lifestyle of the patrons of the club.

My heart sank.

Another mass shooting.

Eli asked me what was going on and I had to explain. He doesn’t get it. Why would someone shoot anyone because they live a lifestyle that they don’t understand? “Intolerance,” I tell him. “Many people feel that if they don’t understand it, it’s wrong.”

Eli still doesn’t understand. I am grateful that he doesn’t. He thinks that if people find love and happiness, no one should have the right to stop them. That, he gets.

A few months ago, I wrote a post which mentioned my thoughts on God. In it, I said that I don’t think about it much. And it’s true. I generally don’t give it much thought because I just want to try to do as much good on earth while I’m here and that debate bogs me down. When I do think about it, though, it’s because something triggered it. Some days, I see something that brings me so much joy; that kind that comes from the inside, that I can’t help but to believe in God.

Some days, people get killed because they live a lifestyle that someone else doesn’t approve of. Some days a human being got to decide whether or not another human being got to live or die. Some days, people turn a tragedy into a political debate which is nothing but the same old stuck record it’s always been. Some days, people profess their love for machines and mechanical devices over their love for fellow man. Some days, it seems that an omnipotent being should say that enough is enough. And so far, that omnipotent being has not done so. So, some days, I find it impossible to believe in God. Today is one of those days.

One Comment

  1. Lorelei

    I hear you, and can identify. Sending lots of hugs to you and yours. Keep training Eli and Brenna and all the other little ones you’re raising to believe in love and kindness – to stand up to bullies and fight for equal treatment for all people. I am starting to lose hope that our generation will be able to fix this – but maybe our kids will get it right.

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