Every year, there are a couple of times where I feel really motivated to change my diet, my exercise habits and other disciplines that have gone lacking. This usually happens right around the change of season where it either goes from warm to colder or frigid to thawed. It’s been a year now since we took in the three boys and instead of having that urge to work out, lose weight and take care of myself, I’ve instead eaten way more than I should, way worse than I should and worked out far less than I should. I can count on one hand the number of bike rides I took during the summer and the number of actual workouts I even attempted during the past 12 months. And I’m not saying I can count them each individually on one hand. I’m saying that I can count the TOTAL of both on one hand.
This year, I am at the highest weight I’ve ever been in my life, but the odd thing is that other than that, everything else checks out fine. My motivation and work ethic has improved. My energy has not lessened. While I am in a constant state of being tired, it’s easy to point to interrupted sleep as the cause. In the last three months, I’ve had occasion to have my blood pressure taken on as many occasions and while I’ve never had high blood pressure, it’s always been on the low side of borderline. My blood pressure now is lower than it’s ever been and falls well within the normal range.
During this year, though, my diet has totally sucked. I’ve pretty much eaten what I wanted when I wanted it. And my motivation to eat healthier or lose a few pounds around the waste has been nonexistent. I almost fell into the trap of accepting it all and accepting that I’m just going to be “fat and happy.” My only concern was that I never, once, got hit with the urge to take better care of my body; not even once this year.
Until the last few days.
For a while, I thought it was just that I’m getting older and perhaps those motivations go away after you get to a certain age. I suppose that could be. But I think that really, I’ve been so focused on the routine of the new family dynamic, all the changes and making sure that everything else is taken care of that it was easy for me to put off (and make excuses) taking care of myself.
Now that we’ve really got the routine down, work is going really well, and the season’s changing, I’m starting to feel that motivation, once again, to get myself onto a better diet and start working out a bit. In the past, when I’ve worked out, I’ve always pushed myself and gone crazy with it; not necessarily being obsessed with working out so much as pushed myself hard during the workouts. These workouts made me miserable but I pushed, and pushed hard none the less. As a result, I hated, Hated, HATED working out. I think that this time around, though, I’m not going to kill myself. I’ll wake up that 30 minutes earlier or take that 30 minute break from work and I’ll push myself JUST enough to not want to die the two days that follow. Maybe I’ll finally get that one part into my daily routine that I need and not hate at the same time.
As far as diet goes? That’s a tough one. I like food. I like carbs. The only thing I like besides carbs is more carbs. Ok. I like steak, too (and more steak). I don’t LOVE things that are good for me. I will eat them, but I don’t love them. I never feel that I can make a meal out of them. I have tried. People have told me that after you cut carbs for a month, they’ll taste funny when you eat them again. LIARS! People have told me that if you cut back on meat, you’ll get to where you don’t crave it. LIARS! People say that if you cut your portions, you’ll get to where you no longer want larger portions. LIARS!
People. Are. Liars.
But maybe, if I go in with the attitude of rather than looking for that tape at the end of the finish line where I suddenly crave vegetables and loathe meat and cake (and meatcake), I can just take it day by day instead of forcing that day to get there.
Or maybe I’ll just be fat and happy. 🙂